Grounded!

I know it's been a while since my last entry but I've decided that I'm not going to post unless something meaningful comes to mind... so poof!

As usual, I've been doing a lot of thinking, reading and evaluating... about anything and everything.
And lately I've been reflecting about life and what I've chosen to do with mine.
And I've come to some conclusions.

*NOTE*: I know what you're probably thinking...
This is not some pity party, it's the beginning of an eye opening experience... so just give me some space to explain before you start rolling your eyes, don't deny it because I probably would too if I were reading this.
And yes, I do realize that I'm too young to be having a 'mid-life crisis.'
I like to think of this as more of a preventative health measure than an all out crisis.

As I was saying...

Like just about everyone out there, I have a few regrets.
That my life hasn't turned out the way I'd planned and overall I'm disappointed in myself for all of the opportunities I've let pass by... Most of my reflections end with everything that I didn't do.

I've been so concerned with doing everything the "right" way, doing what's expected and following orders that I've completely forgotten what I want.
What I want to do, who I want to be and living life to my own expectations.

That's not to say I'm going to get all anarchist and become so self absorbed that I forget anyone else exists...
I would seriously hope that I never get like that, and if I do you have my permission to give me a 'reality check' (see past episodes of MadTV with Aries Spears and Deborah Wilson for an example).

And no, I'm not saying that I regret my life because I don't.
I know that I've been so fortunate to have such a good, strong and supportive family. I really wouldn't ask for anything more because I'm not willing to give anything we have up.
I know that things have happened the way they did so that we could learn.
They are those life lessons that had to be experienced to get.

All I want is to really discover myself and improve to be the person that I know I can be.

So I think it's time for a change, in a big way!

I've been doing a lot of researching and lately...
I think that the only thing stopping me from doing everything I want is me.
In some way or another I've prevented myself from accomplishing unfinished goals that I've set for myself.

And I know that a lot of it stems from my own fears.
A lot of the time I feel like I'm afraid of everything... of flat out failure and disappointing someone along the way (family, friends and myself).
Other times I think that it has something to do with me resisting myself because deep down, that's not what I want and that usually because I'm doing it for someone else (or any other wrong reason).

My original idea was just to 'ground' (hence the blog title) myself from Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, Youtube and any other site I normally waste hours sitting on. To focus on being more productive and doing more than 'what I always do.'
As a start, I still am going to do that, beginning tomorrow Wednesday, February 23, 2010.
For at least the next 2 weeks I will not be logging into Facebook, Myspace, Twitter or Youtube... but as compromise I will still be able to update my status and keep mobile updates on for Facebook so if you need to get a hold of me but don't have my number, just send me a message and I'll reply via text.
Although I do have a blackberry it is not internet capable and this temporary ban will also include applications via my ipod touch.

This isn't some crazy Amish boycott of technology or anything like that because I will still be accessing my emails, blog and necessary online information but just that... NECESSARY information.

I want to spend my time on activities more worthwhile. Things like reading, writing, meeting new people, trying new things, accomplishing goals I have and goals that I never knew I had.

I think that publicly posting a blog will help make me accountable for this particular personal journey and is based on more than your average, everyday willpower test.

Besides... if the title of blog is "Finding the truth is only half of it," isn't that what I should be doing?
I sure think so

Like they say in the X-Files.... "the truth is out there"






Thanks for reading,
Jeena


posted from my official blog
http://jeenad.blogspot.com/

Asian chicken salad?

Breaking internet silence!

First off... I hope every had a Happy New Year!
Even after a few weeks it's still hard to remember that it's 2010!

Lately I've been taking a break from the world wide web (i.e. facebook, myspace, twitter, blogging, etc) to take some time off to think. To evaluate my priorities, direction and all that good stuff.
During my time of deep thought I've been looking more into my past and have come across a pretty important topic, my international adoption.

In case you didn't already know, I'm Korean and I don't really know anymore than that.

And while I'd thought about it off and on throughout my life I never really wanted it to take center stage. I've always believed that it didn't matter where I came from, that what was important is the person that I am now.
Recently I was contacted by a group of, 'Korean Adult Adoptees of Arizona' for the opportunity to get in touch with other people with similar experiences. And since my goal is to become an international adoptions attorney I thought that this would be the perfect way to become active in the community.
I wasn't able to make it to the first social gathering but I am hoping that I will be able to attend an authentic Korean dinner coming up soon... I'm so nervous!

As part of my search into my heritage and getting to know other people I found a discussion board on facebook with it's members contributing their own experiences.
One of their topics got me thinking... what would I say would be the '10 things I know about myself as an adoptee'
This is what I put:

1. I'm only Asian in appearances and that's more than okay with me
2. I regularly 'forget' that I'm Korean or Asian unless I'm around anyone else who is too.
3. I was meant to be with my family (there were 6 other families on the waiting list before mine), I just came in a more 'creative' way.
4. As a way of expressing my appreciation I would one day like to do what my mom has done and adopt a little girl from Korea, through Holt International
5. It's not that unusual to be an adoptee, my little brother is one too :)
6. I think I have a good sense of humor, stereotypes lend themselves to some of the best jokes (i.e. twinkie, average Asian via MadTV)
7. Although I am curious about what my life could have been like, I don't miss anything I can't remember. I was fortunate to have been adopted at a young age (2 1/2 yrs old)
8. I hope to one day use my experiences to help families looking to add their own international additions
9. Adoption is a unique experience, and mine was particularly difficult haha. I'm so glad my mom stuck it out.
10. Whether it was luck, fate or just a coincidence I know that there is no other alternative that can compare to the experiences and opportunities I have had and will have someday.

As if that wasn't enough I found some more 'food for thought' and stumbled on this.
And started reading a blog about another persons journey to discover her biological parents everything else that follows.
http://web.me.com/jdresselhaus/My_Mothers_Daughter/Welcome.html



If you're interested on some information regarding Korean adoptees:

Korean Adult Adoptees of Arizona
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=167391401650&ref=ts
International Korean Adoptee Association
http://ikaa.org/en/