On December 12, 2009, a little over a week ago my great grandmother aka Granny had a stroke. And at 94 years old, there wasn't much that could be done, it was her time. She passed away Thursday, December 17, 2009 at 9:20am.
At 22 yrs old I had never lost anyone close to me nor had I really ever put enough thought into what I believed about life after death. And while this has been one of the most difficult times of our lives, I am coming to appreciate that this experience has allowed me to truly begin to evaluate my priorities and who I am.
Following Granny's stroke was around the clock care not only from the wonderful people working in the hospice home but from several members of the family. We were all told the circumstances and together took the time to say our goodbyes. I continued to visit throughout the week in order to spend the time with family and provide all the support that I could offer.
On one hand I was witnessing firsthand the matriarch of our family... our pillar of strength, knowledge, loyalty, compassion and example... slowly fade away. Although I have attended funerals and memories, I've never been around the actual process of dying. And seeing the biggest influence on my mom, the person I admire most, slowly fade... was something that no one could ever be prepared for.
And on the other hand I experienced the sadness of grief, guilt and remembrance from my family and myself. But do not worry, there were also times of great happiness. Some close members of the family sat together and began to tell the most memorable stories that we'd had together. And in a way, we had our own memorial in her room. To me the best part was...
In my short life I have never been in a room with so much love, respect and compassion. Not only in the room, but throughout the hospice house. It was so overwhelming that no matter how sad I felt, I couldn't help but crack an occasional smile.
My mom wrote on December 13, 2009. This is beautiful.
"Today, I am so thankful that I have had my Granny close for all of my life. For these next few days, hours, minutes, however long this lasts; I must now deal with learning the lesson that she is transitioning onto her next journey, and i have to let go... It is hardest at these moments to be so thankful for the gift of life, yet so angry at the very gift you are thankful for, because to let go, means to not have... It is hard to watch this life so great and giving, become so weak and frail as life truly is.
This woman, my Grandmother has probably been the most prominent mentor in my life. A woman whose strength is beyond measure. Her courage to work through the challenges in her life, and the example she set for me, my children and all those who have come into contact with her. My Grandmother is a remarkable woman. I love her dearly, and respect her for all she has shown me and taught me. If not for her encouragement to treat me 'just like any other kid' I would not be the person I am today. I honor her every day that I am. It is my hope that I can be an example to those who look to me as those who looked to her, with the grace and knowledge that she always expressed.
Remember to tell those you love, that you do love them. Everyday... don't let the days, weeks, months pass us by without taking the time to remember who those people are and HOW important they truly are to you."And although I'm still not sure exactly what I believe, I know that I'll get there someday.
What I do know is this...
Eventually everyone comes to regret the time that they didn't spend elsewhere. Experiences they never had and people they'd loved and lost. But that shouldn't stop you and add more regret.
To put it simply, life is unpredictable and what is truly important should always remain... important. Don't waste your time being anyone but yourself and don't forget to tell those that have helped you along the way "Thank you, I love you." Your family is your strongest and best support, no matter how different they may be, they are your foundation. So remember to be there for them, because they will always be there for you.
From family I have found some more good advice to live by.
"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin."Granny,
In your life here on earth you have accomplished so much. In all the ways a person can, you always gave to others and somehow stayed so strong. Your life has been an inspiration and in my life I can only hope to be a little more like you.
I know that you are in a better place and I am grateful to be a part of your family.
This is for you, I love you.
**There will be a memorial service held December 29, 2009.
If you are interested, contact me and I will get you information as it becomes available.
